Looking Up From The Bench

Writing is a form of catharsis for me that is incredibly healing. There is something special about removing thoughts from my own mind and putting them out into the world; somehow giving them less power to influence me, and feeling more supported in overcoming them. I have refrained from writing for the last couple weeks due to an inability to bring positivity, or even what I would consider a meaningful contribution to the world. I would like to attempt this today. I do not however, feel the same catharsis from taking photos. Thus, please enjoy various pictures of my cat throughout this post, as I have no new images of myself or workouts that would enhance the blog. I will work on being more consistent with these in the future! The 2017 CrossFit Games Open has ended. The experience I had throughout this competition was remarkably more difficult than previous years. The stress and anxiety I felt, and the subsequent roller coaster of emotions I encountered throughout...

I have so much to say regarding Open workout 17.3 I hope I can eloquently and succinctly communicate my thoughts. I have also realized I skipped addressing open workout 17.2. I will examine that effort in the coming weeks. When 17.3 was announced, I was honestly a little disappointed. My biggest strength as far as Open movements are concerned (chest-to-bar pull-ups) was paired with an ascending weight ladder of snatches. I immediately recognized my gymnastics strength would not necessarily be showcased. And, it was not within my realm of possibility this year to successfully complete the last two weights of this ladder style workout (175# and 185#). I also felt fear. My chest-to-bar pull up strength was used, with a few major weaknesses (wall balls, double unders) having yet to be programmed. I started doubting my ability to improve upon my performance of last year with these more difficult movements looming in the coming weeks. However, aside from these initial thoughts, wh...

As I sit down to get out some thoughts, I am uncertain whether I will share this post on the blog. I guess I will see if anything productive comes out of it and make the decision from there. The past two weeks have been some of the most difficult in the last two years. Comparing them to injuries, eye surgeries, and significant life changes it seems to feel the worst. I cannot remember a time in recent months were getting out of bed was a struggle, where my very purpose and goals were so often internally questioned, causing me to be unable to sleep or seemingly do anything productive; despite a to-do list. I also cannot remember a time when I have fought so hard to rid myself of these feelings, self-doubts, fears, and insecurities, only to have them remain despite my best efforts. This struggle and feeling of failure has left me with a profound sense of hopelessness. Can I ever overcome the mental chink in my armor? When I reflect on the efforts I’ve taken in the last year...