Looking Up From The Bench

I know I haven’t blogged for quite some time. I’ve thought about it on numerous occasions. But somehow, I would always talk myself out of it, and determine what I had to say was not relevant, important, or worthwhile. However, I don’t know how I could have made such a determination when in the very least, the catharsis of writing and sharing helps me tremendously. So, I am making an effort to be more open about sharing and not letting fear or comparing thoughts shy me away from it. My training has been going very well these past few weeks. I finally feel I have mentally turned a bit of corner, and as such physically I have been feeling much better. On Monday, I was thinking about a workout I performed that day which had a lot of burpees. I would say in general, burpees are a CrossFit movement the vast majority of people dislike, or in the very least are not at the top of their favorite list. However, for me, they are one of my favorites. I was thinking about why this is the cas...

Writing is a form of catharsis for me that is incredibly healing. There is something special about removing thoughts from my own mind and putting them out into the world; somehow giving them less power to influence me, and feeling more supported in overcoming them. I have refrained from writing for the last couple weeks due to an inability to bring positivity, or even what I would consider a meaningful contribution to the world. I would like to attempt this today. I do not however, feel the same catharsis from taking photos. Thus, please enjoy various pictures of my cat throughout this post, as I have no new images of myself or workouts that would enhance the blog. I will work on being more consistent with these in the future! The 2017 CrossFit Games Open has ended. The experience I had throughout this competition was remarkably more difficult than previous years. The stress and anxiety I felt, and the subsequent roller coaster of emotions I encountered throughout...

As I sit down to get out some thoughts, I am uncertain whether I will share this post on the blog. I guess I will see if anything productive comes out of it and make the decision from there. The past two weeks have been some of the most difficult in the last two years. Comparing them to injuries, eye surgeries, and significant life changes it seems to feel the worst. I cannot remember a time in recent months were getting out of bed was a struggle, where my very purpose and goals were so often internally questioned, causing me to be unable to sleep or seemingly do anything productive; despite a to-do list. I also cannot remember a time when I have fought so hard to rid myself of these feelings, self-doubts, fears, and insecurities, only to have them remain despite my best efforts. This struggle and feeling of failure has left me with a profound sense of hopelessness. Can I ever overcome the mental chink in my armor? When I reflect on the efforts I’ve taken in the last year...

I’ve talked a lot recently about trying to change my usual way of self-talk and thinking to be more productive in my training and actually enjoy it. I wish I could say I have been super successful with this but I honestly haven’t. I’m still struggling with not beating myself up or being so hard on myself that I make my favorite thing to do un-enjoyable at times. This is how I’ve felt lately when I show up to workout: I really want to find a way to conquer this negative self-talk. I know it is the piece of the puzzle missing from what it will take me to reach my goals. So, I have a new strategy I'm going to implement. One thing I do that makes me know even on my darkest days of training that I love CrossFit with everything I am is being able to have the opportunity to coach others. I’m generally extremely nervous in social situations, shy, and have a ton of trouble even inserting myself into a group conversation. I generally leave these experiences demoralized, wonderi...

Usually when I tell someone who I don’t know that I do CrossFit, I get a very standard response: “CrossFit is way too hardcore for me. I could never do it…” I usually tell them that anyone can do it, regardless of age or starting fitness level, or workout history. It’s infinitely scalable and as such regardless of your bad knees or weird disc issue or whatever, it doesn’t matter, it can be done safely and help you live a healthier, and happier life. However, I can’t disagree when they say it’s hard. First because, the intensity aspect of CrossFit is what makes it yield such amazing health benefits; and therefore seem “harder” than traditional workouts where you aren’t constantly pushing to the limit of your personal potential. And second, like I’ve mentioned, to me CrossFit is a metaphor for life and the journey isn’t easy, for anyone. And as such I wouldn’t really expect it to necessarily be a breeze because then it wouldn’t have such a profound impact on my quality of life. It ...

It seems whenever I am struggling with something in my life, it keeps reoccurring in pretty much every setting until I figure it out. This can be a bit frustrating but I’m sure that’s how it is for most people. It’s like trying to ignore an itch; it just becomes more consuming until you finally scratch it. There a couple of things I wanted to talk about in relation to trust, and they may seem a bit off topic and scattered but hopefully I can wrap it all up into something somewhat cohesive. So, the CrossFit Games Open has come to an end and training has begun for 2017, with qualifying for regionals being the goal. Just writing that statement has caused me to feel some anxiety. I didn’t even necessarily want to admit it right now as those pesky fears that my goals are completely unreasonable have been a bit strong these past couple weeks. But it’s important to keep acknowledging this goal and trying to build more confidence in myself so I can become the level of athlete I want to be...