BEGINNING

Snapshot

I guess you could say the story that got me to this point of starting a blog began when I was born.

Me, my brother, and one of my first pairs of glasses

You see, I was born with congenital cataracts in both eyes, and subsequently developed glaucoma, complications that helped shape the course my life. After all was said and done treating these eye diseases, I was fortunate to be left with some sight leaving me pretty functional, but still dealing with a disability that wasn’t always seen by others.

Due to the numerous surgeries I was lucky to receive during the first few years of my life to save the most possible sight, my physical development was below average. When I was 17 months old, the pediatrician told my parents that I was hypotonic (had low muscle tone) and would never be an athlete. I knew of the doctor’s assumption while growing up. Even though I participated in gymnastics and other “normal” activities for kids my age, deep down I think I believed what the doctor had said; and, applied it not just to my physical strength, but to most anything in life.

In an effort to fight off my belief that I wasn’t “strong” or capable most of the time I was glad that my disability was hidden to others.  I functioned at a high level, did well in school, etc. I liked it that way, not wanting to be seen as vulnerable, weak, or needing help.  However, sometimes trying to hide this struggle left me feeling alone, discouraged, and incredibly nervous around others, causing tremendous difficulty in my teenage years.

This was especially true, when the biggest hindrance of my low vision was unavoidable to face, I would not be able to drive. And while those around me were gaining their new found independence and adulthood, for the rest of my life I would need help with this basic necessity and therefore would need to disclose my disability to others. I was fearful and convinced that I would not be able to reach my goals or achieve what I wanted. I also knew that at any time my vision could change and I had didn’t have any control of that situation either.

Meaning Behind Hidden Strength-Looking Up from the Bench

So now, why I decided to write this blog. Four years ago I walked into a CrossFit gym, terrified, but already obsessed with the sport. I had watched YouTube videos about it for months. During my first months of CrossFit I realized for the first time the incredible strength and potential I had inside myself.  I particularly remember the first time I maxed out on a clean and jerk, about four months after starting. This is in the top five best days of my life! I threw 125 pounds over my head, which to many is considered lightweight these days. But for me, I was amazed that I was able to do something that exhibited so much power and strength. From that day on, I was obsessed and I had found my passion in life.

Six months after starting CrossFit, I joined the Strength WOD, the purpose of which was to gain strength! It was during that time that my coach realized I had a unique talent for bench press, especially for my body weight. Eventually I started focusing more heavily on the sport of powerlifting, especially bench and my newest PR is 237 in the 132-pound weight class. The doctor’s presumption that I did not have the potential to be strong is completely invalidated by the strength I am able to exhibit in CrossFit and powerlifting.

This past year in particular I’ve started to embrace my obsession as a positive, rather than a negative and have decided that more than ever I am pursuing my goals full force in spite of any fear I may be facing. The point of this blog is to document my journey in powerlifting and CrossFit, striving towards the goals of one day having a 300# bench press, and competing in CrossFit at the regional level.

I have been wanting to start this blog for months, but was held back by fear. What if people think I’m stupid, my struggles aren’t “big” enough. I am not a good-enough athlete to be writing a blog about my fitness. However, like I said more than ever I am trying to not let fear dictate my life.

My hope is that by sharing my journey maybe it will help others in their journey. And also, by being willing to share more about myself, I can be less isolated and let people in on the successes and failures I go through as an athlete and person.