FLIP OF THE SWITCH

A CrossFit Journal Article from 2007 entitled “Understanding CrossFit" makes the following statement regarding the uniqueness of our fitness approach:

“The methodology that drives CrossFit is entirely empirical. We believe that meaningful statements about safety, efficacy, and efficiency the three most important and interdependent facets of any fitness program, can be supported only by measurable, observable, repeatable facts, i.e., data. We call this approach “evidence-based fitness.”

My very first CrossFit workout, 2012

Therefore as someone who definitely believes in what CrossFit teaches, it’s easy to get hung up on the easily identifiable physical improvements that are made: getting a faster time, achieving a PR, etc. However, sometimes I think we overlook the “mental gains” so to speak that come from our development as athletes in CrossFit.

As I mentioned in my last post, part of the reason I love CrossFit so much is because of the metaphor it is for life itself, and the mental strength to keep conquering things that are difficult. So why are we only focused on the physical change? For someone like me who has had some injuries and is literally on year three of not getting a snatch PR, focusing on just the physical can leave me feeling frustrated, and giving into an irrational belief that maybe I’m not as “fit," and that I have reached my potential.

However, as the 2016 CrossFit Open started I was given “proof” that I have made significant mental gains as an athlete this year. Usually, when the CrossFit Games Open workouts are announced I am physically sick for two days leading up to the workout.  As the workout is being announced I literally feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. I dread the workout with so much fear that I that I don't even enjoy the experience and struggle with the following thoughts:

• I won’t do well enough,
• I will let people down,
• I won’t meet my goal,
• I will prove I’m not a good athlete,
• I will show everyone I’m not as good as they think I am, 
• Everyone will finally figure out I suck,
• I'll never be good enough.

However, this year I didn’t feel that way. I trained before the announcement and it was a super peaceful experience. I had a little bit of anticipation as the workout was being announced. But my anxiety was 75% less than it ever has been for any other year. I kept waiting for that fear to hit, but it didn’t. At first I was confused, does this mean I don’t care as much? Does this mean I’m resigned to being average and not pushing myself? And I realized the answer is no.

After completing Open Workout 13.4, 2013

The reason I was so calm and even 75% less nervous when it came to time to actually do the workout was because I have made significant progress with my mental struggles. I have been able to better separate who I am as a person from the score I get on the workout. I was not basing my worth as a human being on how well I did on the workout. In fact, when it was announced I wasn’t even sure what a reasonable goal would be for me (usually I have an idea). I just wanted to do my best. I am learning more and more that my happiness as an athlete is less dependent on my score and more dependent on knowing I gave everything I had in the workout. And despite the lack of adrenaline I was concerned would hinder my performance, I exceeded my expectations on 16.1 and the reason for that is because I was not driven entirely by fear (let’s be honest it’s a work in progress so of course there was some).

I think we feel if we scare ourselves enough that it will force us to achieve the result we want. That motivating ourselves by fear is a way to prevent that fear from actually coming true. If I tell myself enough times that if I don’t get whatever score on a workout it means I’m a failure and I’m going to be abandoned of all support that it will make me be better. However, based on this eye-opening experience the less fear we have that our score on one workout means a, b, or c, and we might as well quit CrossFit and take up knitting, the better we do.

Trying to use fear as motivation only squelches our spirit. The human heart doesn’t like a bully who terrorizes it. Why would we ever do what a bully wants us to do unless our life was in-danger or something? We are much more likely to do what a friend wants us to do because we care about them and our relationship. And, what is generally going to make an experience more enjoyable, doing it with a bully or a friend? CrossFit workouts are grueling enough in themselves; we don’t need a bully by our side making the experience even more painful. And if we let go of our fears and don't use them to motivate ourselves, but rather use our goal of wanting to be our very best, we will have a much better result. I can guarantee it.

I had no idea I made such significant mental progress as an athlete because in true CrossFit fashion, I tend to focus on the things I still need to work on in that area. And there is no workout to really empirically show mental progress, which is what we tend to focus on in our training. However, this first open announcement when I felt like my anxiety was actually at an appropriate level for the first time ever I realized I am not the same athlete I have been in past years. And there are many reasons for that. One is because I have been injured. In a way, injuries have been a blessing in disguise because they have helped me develop my biggest weakness of all, which is definitely the mental side of training. Of beating myself up so much to the point where I just shutdown or give up.

Hitting my first Clean PR in over two years, 192#, 2016

So, next time we focus on the lack of physical progress we feel we’re making, or the workout we didn’t get the score we hoped for on, we should take a look at those “mental gains” or other personal developments that have occurred. Because that mental and emotional progress not only makes us better athletes, but even more than just physical training, makes us better able to handle and enjoy our lives.

Now, I was lucky in that the first workout announced I didn’t have anything I considered a huge weakness for me and like I said I did better than I imagined possible! However, I expect in one of the four remaining workouts there will be a bunch of weaknesses interspersed. For all I know an entire workout could be my idea of a perfect storm. My hope is that I can maintain this new mental strength I have found and continue to not live in fear. To remember if a workout gets announced that actually is all of my weaknesses combined, to simply set reasonable goals, separate who I am as a person from the score I get, and continue to remind myself that how I feel about a workout isn’t necessarily determined by my score on the leaderboard (and shouldn’t be) but by knowing without a doubt I have done my best. Our effort can never change someone else’s outcome, only our own. So we should focus on what we can control, which is giving 100%.  And like I said, we will never give 100% if we are driven by fear, because the passion we feel in our hearts for what we are doing will be diminished by our doubts.