HEAVY DECISION-LIGHTER MIND

I wasn’t really inspired to write about anything in particular today so I thought I’d share my thoughts about the super bowl… Haha totally kidding, I legitimately don’t understand a single thing about football. The whole yards and downs thing is completely foreign to me. No, I actually thought I would take this opportunity to write three super positive things that happened in my training this week. Coming back from an injury is certainly difficult, and it’s easy as an athlete to only focus on those difficulties, but a lot of good has happened this week!

1. I finally feel focused and at peace with my decisions.

Like I’ve mentioned before I have big goals in both the sports of powerlifting and CrossFit. And sometimes, I feel impatient and want to focus on improving all aspects of both sports at the same time. And while this can happen to some degree, (and honestly has) right now it isn’t feasible. I went into this year with so much fire inside me from rehabbing an injury last year that I had this pent up desire just to improve everything that I’ve been waiting to work on. Olympic lifts, powerlifts, CrossFit skills, CrossFit metcons (metabolic conditioning), endurance, etc. However, I didn’t consider that my body (my back really) couldn’t handle 100% intensity in all aspects of both sports that I love. I finally figured this out. I realized I made the decision to focus on Fitcon in April. In doing so, I knew CrossFit would be on the back burner for this year. So, why was I worrying about losing my conditioning? Why was I concerned that I haven’t pr’d an Olympic lift in two years? So, for the next couple months, I am a powerlifter who does CrossFit to stay healthy. After that point, I can switch focus for awhile and be a Crossfitter who benches because it makes her happy. But, this is what I told my coach when I finally had this realization:

“I don't think going for it half way is going to give me what I want in the end. I have goals in both sports and I think I have to remember that there can be a time to focus on both or one over the other. It isn't my time for CrossFit this year anyway. So I should give this everything I have. And getting stronger at the powerlifts will, in the end, help me be a better Crossfitter. Even if I have to modify certain days etc. I think this will give me a better shot at staying healthy and being able actually to do the meet. I think I am trying to focus on everything at once, and therefore, I'm getting better at nothing and re-aggravating my back. I think if I can switch my focus a little that this might be what I need.”

So finally deciding this, revamping my programming to accommodate more rest for my back, and more volume for powerlifting has given me a sense of peace and direction. I now know what I’m working for. I feel like I can stay healthy enough to actually do it.  Knowing this is a HUGE relief as I no longer feel stuck and conflicted in my training.

2. I picked up something heavy!

As you come back from an injury or taking time off from training, it’s easy to focus on how strong you once were. And, how far getting back there seems to be. You feel weak and then wonder if your long-term goals are even attainable. However, you sometimes forget the joy that is being able to train again!! This week I got to do rack pulls (see photo) and pick something up that felt heavy in my hands for the first time in quite a few months. I also got to do heavy squats! And more importantly, I was able to do so with minimal back discomfort and as I’m sitting here typing my back is still feeling okay. Not having pain is a huge step for me! I should take the time to celebrate, rather than listening to those pesky thoughts I have that tell me how “girls two weight classes below me are lifting over 100 pounds more than I am," etc. I have to remember that training is an individual journey, and I have been able to persevere through a lot of setbacks. I organize my life around being able to train because I LOVE IT. I need to remember this and when I’m feeling down and discouraged and question why I even try. I try because it’s my passion. And also, it’s because when I am not having those pesky thoughts, I realize my potential. I won’t give up, and I love what I’m doing SO much that there is nothing else I’d want to do anyway.

3. I look forward to each day of training like Christmas and can push myself!

Typically, because I’m so annoyingly obsessive, this is how I always feel. But for the past several months there has been some dread involved with going into train because I didn’t know if I would be able to. I didn’t know if I’d end up having to modify things significantly to the point where I didn’t feel like I was working out. Or If I would push too hard and hurt myself. But now, thanks to this awesome new training schedule I’m on, my body is given adequate rest time so that each day I go to train I look forward to it with tons of anticipation and excitement. I have at least two days of rest between body parts. Which is honestly kind of strange to me as it’s pretty much the opposite of a lot of CrossFit stuff I’m used to.  However, having the time to rest my lower body is so helpful. It allows me to train hard and let my back have the time it needs to recover. While it hasn’t been entirely smooth sailing this week, I have to remember how lucky I am to again be able to look forward to doing my favorite thing in the world without the fear I had been feeling. I have so much more peace and felt so physically depleted after all my training sessions this week, which I love! So, even though I might not be making myself a better Crossfitter each day, I am making myself a better powerlifter and athlete, working hard, doing the very best that I can, and giving full effort. I truly believe that doing this will yield great things for the future.

My goal this week

So, I thought I’d conclude by sharing what I’d like to work on regarding the mental side of training this week. My goal is to enjoy all the movements I’m doing and not compare me to me. To not worry about what strength level my legs “should” or “would” have reached, if I hadn’t gotten injured. To not tell myself I’m not working hard enough or other things that are just kind of silly when I think logically. And just embrace the journey that is training and remember the reason I train is not just for those moments of success, but because the process is so rewarding and almost transcendent. There is nothing more amazing than feeling like you are using your mental capabilities to push past physical limitations. I will give full effort every day, and as such I will NOT beat myself up for trying my best and working through setbacks. Also, I need to take more pictures and videos of my training to share. Not a strong suit of mine so I will work on it so I actually have pictures for the blog.

I know if I give 100% effort that I will go into my meet ready to perform to the best of my abilities and that again all the hard work and tough mental battles that go into preparing will always be worth it. Because in the end, being an athlete is most rewarding not necessarily when you win, but when you feel that you have done everything you can do to be your best.