SKIPPING LEG DAY

Well, I'm sad to report I've had another injury creep up this past month. I was in denial for quite awhile... And it's weird when I finally started to rest it, my discomfort and pain actually increased. Which is when I realized it was probably more than the muscle strain I was hoping for. So back in for a second knee surgery in a couple weeks!! Anyway, I didn't really want this post to focus too much on the injury itself. I have three things I hope to address. My feelings about the injury, what I've learned so far, and how I plan on getting through it with gains as an athlete. 

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling discouraged. This is my fourth significant injury in four years. I was really determined this year to stay healthy and was so excited to see what I could accomplish not spending so much time rebuilding to pre-injury levels of fitness. I felt like these last couple months I was making significant progress. And not just in the physical sense, but mentally. I was finally approaching lifts I had been stuck on, more so from a mental standpoint than physically with less fear. And because of that, long time plateaus were finally moving! 

It feels like in letting my guard down it's gotten me back to where I was... Which was the reason I had so much fear in the first place. Because I really didn't want to get injured again. So that is discouraging as I'm sure the mental battle of faith over fear will continue.

Then there's that thought of getting behind. My training partners and those I hope to compete with one day working to become more well-rounded each day. While I'm unable to work on my weaknesses that hold me back from achieving my goals. It certainly inflates my insecurities that I don't have what it takes to be one of them. It makes me scared that I will never get the chance to see if I can be on their level. And how will I ever catch up when they just keep progressing. It's scary to think you might not be good enough. 

And then there's just missing what I love. Thanks to my super understanding coach we are modifying my workouts and trying to focus on the things I can work on. But with new opportunities for team competition, and so many new amazing athletes to train with it's hard to not feel a little loss. I feel like my dream training environment and long-term dream are a real possibility. And I don't want to get left out because of another injury. Since I first knew what CrossFit was this is what I wanted, and I just hope I can experience it.

However, in feeling this way the first thing I've learned with this injury is that I love what I do. Even though it is difficult and a mental battle. I love it so much. Because being injured if I didn't love it I'd use it as an excuse to not do it. At this point it does seem my body is pretty injury prone. However, I haven’t done that. I’ve spent just as much time at the gym. I’ve tried to spend just as much time training. We typically make time for and sacrifice for the things that are most important to us. Therefore, on hard training days I don't really need to have a mini breakdown on if this is worth it. It's what I love and therefore regardless of any sacrifice etc. it's completely worth it because I get to pursue my passion.

The second thing is what I will learn. I know that something good will come out of this and I know it will make me a better athlete in some way. Every injury I have had has yielded something positive for my training. I don't know what will come of this one yet.. Because sometimes I just wish I could catch a break. But I'm sure I will find out and be grateful for how this injury ties into my end goals. A small example of this is when I hurt my back and had to do all single leg lifts for a couple months. While it was frustrating taking time off from all the main lifts. The first workout of the open this year had lunges. I did so so much better than I thought possible for me and it was that tough single leg work that absolutely helped yield that result. 

So in how I plan on getting through it I just have to continually remind myself that this happened for a reason. Even if right now my heart is a little devastated and I have no idea why. I also am going to focus on what I can control. Which is strengthening my strengths (aka anything with my upper body). This was a helpful piece of advice from my coach. While my weaknesses are on hold, I have lots of potential to make my best skills much stronger. Which I'm sure will be helpful in a team setting. I have a couple goals in mind. The length of my recovery is not really determined. It's reliant on what they find in surgery. So it's hard to make super concrete number goals. But two movements in particular are ring muscle ups and handstand push-ups. I'm saying now my goal is 15 unbroken ring muscle ups. As for handstand push-ups, I'm not sure. I know pressing is a huge strength (hence bench press haha). I know push-ups are a super strong movement for me as well as overhead barbell lifts. Handstand push-ups not as much. So I'd really like to focus on making these much stronger while my leg is healing. Along with bench of course!

As for the many other physical aspects of CrossFit, I will just try my best to do damage control and maintain as much as I can.

However, my biggest weakness of all which I can always work on is my mental game. And maybe that is one reason I did get injured again. Because my confidence and belief in myself MUST increase if my goals will ever happen. These mental factors need to not be reliant on certain physical markers of strength or progress. They simply must always be there. And they are not yet. I get discouraged and frustrated with myself over my mental weaknesses. But I must remember just like physical weaknesses mental ones take time. I have made much progress. When this injury happened and I was still in denial I kept saying I just can't go through that again. And in getting through it day by day and learning to believe in my potential regardless of what others are achieving or what I am limited by I will mentally start to become the athlete I want to be. And as soon as that happens I know I have the physical capacity to get there. And I'm so lucky because I have others around me who believe me as well and will help me get where I need to be. 

So one step at a time I will continue trying to become a little better each day to make my dream a reality. I’m skipping leg day for a little while, but I’m not putting pursuing my long-term goals on hold. I will do whatever I can to continue to work towards them and believe that the work I can put in will pay off eventually.