Looking Up From The Bench

I had a pretty rough day today. Just dealing with things I really shouldn't have to necessarily deal with and prove. I felt pretty attacked almost as if I did something wrong even though I did nothing of the sort. It's related to "proving" I have a disability. And I just hate having to do that. For a long time I felt like I was completely damaged because I was born with this abnormality. I tried to hide it and any struggles I had because of it to compensate. Now I know better. It seems everyone has something. Even if it's just that they're really weird :). So I just appreciate the unique perspective it gives me.  I also hate using it to essentially get what I want or need. It makes me feel weak and incapable. And considering my love of lifting heavy weights I prefer feeling strong and capable. Anyway, I guess for logistics sake it's sometimes just necessary.  As I've been sitting here though, in an empty house as I just moved and don't hav...

I've been a little uninspired about what to write lately, hence my three week absence from the blog. I'm hoping as I start to write, something good will come together.  A picture from the best lifting day ever last week. No missed lifts! Sometimes with all that I see going on in the world it's hard to want to share about my seemingly insignificant personal struggles or successes. But, I think we have to remember it's those personal connections and stories that show how much good there is in the world, and how much we can positively impact and support one another. Besides some injury flair ups which have been a little troubling I have been loving training the past few weeks. And the reason for this ties into what I said above. I have a training partner now and it has completely changed the entire course of my training and frankly brightened my life since I consider training my priority.  When I was struggling so much with my mental game the last few mon...

I haven't felt much like writing lately. Partially because I keep talking about how I need to work on my mental game and continue to struggle with it. This has caused me to feel a little blue as I try and figure out how to overcome those thoughts that are making training a bit rough. So I don't really feel like I have much new stuff to report. Just battling those mental deficits holding me back still! However, something came to mind today at work that I felt like sharing. My work is interesting. Most of the mental health appeals I write are specifically for teens in residential treatment with pretty significant mental health issues. Due to my struggles in this area I often get cases that remind me of my past. This can be tough as I'm generally much more interested in the present and future and don't like to think about the past too much.  Today for whatever reason my case got me thinking of my brother who passed away during the height of my mental health strugg...

I’ve talked a lot recently about trying to change my usual way of self-talk and thinking to be more productive in my training and actually enjoy it. I wish I could say I have been super successful with this but I honestly haven’t. I’m still struggling with not beating myself up or being so hard on myself that I make my favorite thing to do un-enjoyable at times. This is how I’ve felt lately when I show up to workout: I really want to find a way to conquer this negative self-talk. I know it is the piece of the puzzle missing from what it will take me to reach my goals. So, I have a new strategy I'm going to implement. One thing I do that makes me know even on my darkest days of training that I love CrossFit with everything I am is being able to have the opportunity to coach others. I’m generally extremely nervous in social situations, shy, and have a ton of trouble even inserting myself into a group conversation. I generally leave these experiences demoralized, wonderi...

Usually when I tell someone who I don’t know that I do CrossFit, I get a very standard response: “CrossFit is way too hardcore for me. I could never do it…” I usually tell them that anyone can do it, regardless of age or starting fitness level, or workout history. It’s infinitely scalable and as such regardless of your bad knees or weird disc issue or whatever, it doesn’t matter, it can be done safely and help you live a healthier, and happier life. However, I can’t disagree when they say it’s hard. First because, the intensity aspect of CrossFit is what makes it yield such amazing health benefits; and therefore seem “harder” than traditional workouts where you aren’t constantly pushing to the limit of your personal potential. And second, like I’ve mentioned, to me CrossFit is a metaphor for life and the journey isn’t easy, for anyone. And as such I wouldn’t really expect it to necessarily be a breeze because then it wouldn’t have such a profound impact on my quality of life. It ...

It seems whenever I am struggling with something in my life, it keeps reoccurring in pretty much every setting until I figure it out. This can be a bit frustrating but I’m sure that’s how it is for most people. It’s like trying to ignore an itch; it just becomes more consuming until you finally scratch it. There a couple of things I wanted to talk about in relation to trust, and they may seem a bit off topic and scattered but hopefully I can wrap it all up into something somewhat cohesive. So, the CrossFit Games Open has come to an end and training has begun for 2017, with qualifying for regionals being the goal. Just writing that statement has caused me to feel some anxiety. I didn’t even necessarily want to admit it right now as those pesky fears that my goals are completely unreasonable have been a bit strong these past couple weeks. But it’s important to keep acknowledging this goal and trying to build more confidence in myself so I can become the level of athlete I want to be...

The 2016 CrossFit Games Open has come to an end. It was by far the best experience I have ever had with this competition. I also had my highest finish ever placing 66 th in our region. This was highly unexpected on my part due to my main focus being on powerlifting for the past few months. (I’ll go into this more later). A part of me wonders if that’s why I feel like it was the best time I’ve had with The Open. There may be some truth to that. But, I think a lot of the positive feelings I gained this year came more from what I learned and what I feel like I’ve overcome. The biggest take away I garnered from The Open this year is that mental strength, endurance, and belief in ourselves is just as important as the physical for any athlete. Sure, we can’t will ourselves to do something completely outside of our ability level.  But when we are pushing to the edge of what is possible for us, the capacity to do so lies in our heads, not our bodies. I always knew that mental game ...